so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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