Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
