I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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