dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You are a genius and a whore.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
