yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
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i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We left the knife in your bed.
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Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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