I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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