she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
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Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
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How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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