i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
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When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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