What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
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you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
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I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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