So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
