I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
