he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I can't turn off my feet"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
