I think im going to throw up on grandma
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
