Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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