I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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