I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is classic penis vs brain.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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