I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
