we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
