Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
