the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My feet surprised me
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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