He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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