What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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