I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I could fuck to npr.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
