I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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