o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
