did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
worst night to have a conscience
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
