I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize