Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
