Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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