when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
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Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
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Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize