I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
