I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
