If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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