A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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