Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
