then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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