I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
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ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
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"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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