sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize
