I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
