i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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