my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
