im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
