The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
