one might say we're banned from that church
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
