Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Congratulations! We have a period
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