You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
