I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
