Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
