i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
FUCK WHALES
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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