it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
