Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
