Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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