Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
