my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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