their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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