He had one of those small greek statue penises
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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