hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
