did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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