Can i not drive my cunt home
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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